Children Of Divorce Benefit From Parents Being Nearby
November 21, 2009
In my coaching and therapy practice, I frequently consult with parents who are separating or going through a divorce. They are often asking about how to handle the children and custody, when going through a divorce.
In some situations, parents seek to relocate hours away from their ex partner. The courts, and many mental health professionals, have often supported such relocations based upon the presumptive value of a stable custodial parent finding happiness and support with their extended family or perhaps a new partner or new employment.
This can be a touchy topic for parents going through divorce. And yet, it is difficult if not impossible, to accurately claim that we know for certain a particular choice is in the “best interest” of a child.
The Real Effects of Family Separation and Divorce
November 14, 2009
For parents going through a divorce, most express the truth that no words really capture the true degree of sorrow, pain and struggle. However, it is essential to stay grounded in reality. Many authors equate divorce with the death of a parent. This is sometimes an accurate metaphor, but ONLY because parents make choices that create that level of stress for the child.
More often than not, parents can make better choices, and those better choices protect children from the most devastating effects of divorce.
These comments are critical, as we begin to review the effects of divorce on children. The findings summarized below are not the full truth, as this is very complex. A range of factors affect children. These include parental anger, how much children are exposed to hostility, the length of litigation, prior levels of dysfunction in the family, substance abuse in the home, quality of parent-child relationships, and the degree to which children experience changes in schedule, schools, and contact with family. As you can see, there are many factors which then impact children… which actually make these summaries only a partial view of the reality of divorce for any family.
Challenges of High Conflict Divorce
October 28, 2009
According to researchers, approximately thirty percent of all divorces have periods of intense parent to parent conflict. These parents are the biggest cause for their children’s struggles with divorce. When parents are in high conflict divorces, children suffer. The research clearly supports this basic fact.
It is these families who also end up in the court system, and are often engaged with Child Protective Services or with mental health professionals.
These are also the families who often cause the most distress for family court judges, law guardians, matrimonial attorneys, and mental health professionals. Often, these families contain parents who struggle with depression, substance abuse, personality disorders, and a wealth of dysfunctional patterns.