Children Going Through Divorce May Need More

November 28, 2009

The process of learning that your parents are separating, and that you will be living in two homes is stressful and scary for most children.  The sense of uncertainty conveyed by anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed parents is an additional threat to helping children to adjust.

Yet, most parents go into the divorce without ever developing a carefully researched and thoughtful plan.  Yet, the studies do clearly suggest that certain choices hurt children, and others help to protect children.

It is often the courts, and attorneys, who help do guide parents in their decision making about how to co parent and share their time with the children.  Yet, when children are in crisis, parents rarely think in terms of developing a therapeutic game plan to help their child.

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Children Of Divorce Benefit From Parents Being Nearby

November 21, 2009

In my coaching and therapy practice, I frequently consult with parents who are separating or going through a divorce.  They are often asking about how to handle the children and custody, when going through a divorce.

In some situations, parents seek to relocate hours away from their ex partner.  The courts, and many mental health professionals, have often supported such relocations based upon the presumptive value of a stable custodial parent finding happiness and support with their extended family or perhaps a new partner or new employment.

This can be a touchy topic for parents going through divorce.  And yet, it is difficult if not impossible, to accurately claim that we know for certain a particular choice is in the “best interest” of a child.

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The Real Effects of Family Separation and Divorce

November 14, 2009

For parents going through a divorce, most express the truth that no words really capture the true degree of sorrow, pain and struggle.  However, it is essential to stay grounded in reality. Many authors equate divorce with the death of a parent.  This is sometimes an accurate metaphor, but ONLY because parents make choices that create that level of stress for the child.

More often than not, parents can make better choices, and those better choices protect children from the most devastating effects of divorce.

These comments are critical, as we begin to review the effects of divorce on children.  The findings summarized below are not the full truth, as this is very complex.  A range of factors affect children.  These include parental anger, how much children are exposed to hostility, the length of litigation, prior levels of dysfunction in the family, substance abuse in the home, quality of parent-child relationships, and the degree to which children experience changes in schedule, schools, and contact with family.  As you can see, there are many factors which then impact children… which actually make these summaries only a partial view of the reality of divorce for any family.

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